Montag, 27. Februar 2012

factoring

We all know fear but passion makes us fearless (Paulo Coelho)

Everyday I try to do something that I am utterly scared of. Everyday that passes without facing some of it I claim as lost. Everytime I face anything I am not really bothered to fear I know it’s outside my passion zone or I may appreciate too little. I like fear. I like the trembling feeling, adrenalin kicking in that so seldomly shows up these days.  There is no tiger inside my kitchen. There is no wild wolf running after me in the dark. Dull city lights accompany ever step I do. 


Ever since I am born there are coaches holding my hand until they tell I am ready to do the tricks of life on my own. Whether it is in the gym, at school, at home. It’s very hard to fall. And of that few times I fall I fall into soft mats so I do not even get a bruise. Oftentimes though it feels so much better if knowing some one stands at my side, watching out. Just in case. Stretching out when I am about to break my neck.

What is tougher? Building up and searching for obstacles or to tackle them? How come I am building up so many where there are none? Am I passionate about fear? Or just the biggest chicken hiding behind selfmade brick walls?

Kommentare:

  1. hi I loved it! it is short personal and very poetic somehow... acctually exacly the thoughts I have had... about myself and about others
    I feel careless and strong for meeting the boys
    and there is the one I like,,,,, I was passionate about him, still am.... I have been so honest with him, so open, sooo everything.... maby hyper....

    I have told him how I feel, and he is not scared of me, he likes me....
    the big question is can he like me more than just as friends?
    he said in a cryptic way that he will think about it
    he has said so many nice things about me. don´t think he even knew that I liked him so much until I said something?
    what am I scared of? well a whole lot less..... cause I have faced my obstacles and fears cause I had a passion bottled up inside....
    needed to face it, release the passion and find an object? could it have been anyone, why does he feel like the only one?
    Why are there now other guys finding me nice and interesting, when I already just want to choose this one person?? I wan´t it to proeceed with or without him, rather with? can I target my passion easily on quickly on another object. or would I stay put on the target that does not reflect back? because I am scared? or just following old patterns?

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  2. I am glad you liked my post. you are way more courageous than me. I could never bring something over my lips if I wouldn't feel somehow that it's mutual. and i always pack everything in quite a cold package. which is quite sad because rejection is the biggest fear in human kind. that's why you want to do a good job, that is why you keep secrets. But if you see it and you do not do it now, when then? can you rely that the other person would do a move? sometimes and some people can drive things their way without having to be dramatical and so hitting on the forehead. but then it wouldn't be us. and then seriously they would be better of with liking another person back in deed. I admire you for your openess and hope u are sticking a bit to patience, not like me... as lee said "oh no, did you turn into a freak girl, marnie?!" and i always go back to the marilyn monroe quote then “I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.” :) hehe

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